This is me. Today, January 22, 2017. Well, the picture wasn’t taken today, it’s from a few months ago in actuality. But it’s still me pretty recently. But I really like it. I don’t always like my selfies. Takes me about, oh ten or so pictures to decide on one.
I am a mom and a student. I guess for the time being I’m a graphic designer too but that is slowly going away. I’ve been a graphic designer, officially for more than 30 years, since before I graduated from high school. But I really started to become disenchanted with what I had always loved doing. It just wasn’t as much fun as it used to be. On top of that, a few years ago though my life was in chaos, I wasn’t happy personally or professionally. My personal life was a complete mess, separated for almost eight years with two young girls and no idea what was going to happen. Looking back, I did know, I just couldn’t and wouldn’t admit it to myself. Or anyone else for that matter. Eventually of course I had to not only admit it, but face it. Once I did though, there was no looking back for me, only forward.
I went back to school to complete what I didn’t the first time around, only this time I had a totally different outlook, different reasons for going and a new profession to look forward to. I decided I wanted to teach. In the space of only a few short weeks, I applied to North Shore Community College (NSCC) and started classes. Four years later, I will be graduating in May. Yup, two year school took me four years. But I had to do it part time so it is what it is! Most importantly, I’M GRADUATING! When I started that first semester I decided that I couldn’t look at how long it was going to take me, I just had to take it one semester at a time and just do the best I could. And that is exactly what I did.
So why am I writing this? Who am I writing it for? Well, right now it’s for me. I’m writing this so when I look back on it later, years from now, I’ll know what my mindset was. I can’t imagaine I’ll ever forget what this feels like but in time, memories do fade, or the details get fuzzy. We lose the day to day feelings, the big stuff, we remember that but the little things get forgotten. I try to take time every now and then to just take in an ordinary moment and imprint in into my memory. When I was younger, I used to keep a journal and now I like going back and reading what the 12-, 13-, 17-year-old me had to say. Maybe this is for my girls, so that someday they’ll have a record of things from my perspective. Who knows, maybe I’ll even put this out there for anybody to read.
I have two classes left this semester until I graduate. The girls will be graduating from elementary school. (My God, I am going to have Middle-schoolers??) Our house is going to be sold. Aside from the girls it’s the only thing left of my marriage and I’m finally at a point where I’m ready and eager to let go of that. We’re moving to New Hampshire hopefully in early July and we’ll be starting a whole new life.
I’ll be going to Southern New Hampshire University to finish my degree and become a teacher (still debating, it’s between Middle school ELA and Middle School science, leaning towards Science right now). The girls will be in 6th grade, middle school. We’ll be living in an apartment and I can’t wait!
My girls…they are my world, my love, my LIFE. Plain and simple. Ryleigh and Brenna. My amazing, beautiful, smart, funny daughters. AlI ever really wanted in life was to be a Mom. I wanted my career too, but being a mom…that was number one. It didn’t look like it would happen for awhile. That’s a whole other story for another time, but the end result is, I got to be a MOM and that’s what drives me everyday. Raising them to be responsible, self-sufficient, confident women is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it has been the one challenge that I just say “Bring..It..On!!!” I went back to school, not only for me, but for them too. I want them to know that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. It takes hard word and determination, no one just hands it to you, you have to want it and work for it.
Part of me could just keep writing and writing. But I need to stop for now. When I write, I want to stay focused on one thing. It’s far too easy to go off on tangents and lose the original point.
So, this is me.